Desert Rat

im sitting in my room at wyview doing my econ homework. i actually like the current section were studying because its all about bonds and stocks - things that make sense to me. thank goodness my dad is a financial adviser and has been talking about this stuff my whole life. as i was contemplating the concept of debt finance a moment ago (when a company sells bonds to finance its company, kind of like IOUs) i looked around my room and noticed how clean my floor is. i picked up all my dirty clothes this afternoon because i was tired of living in a mess. my room is perfect and its about the size of my little brothers room back in AZ; 4x smaller than my AZ room. its interesting to know that even though i live here and tell people im going home after school this isn't truly my home. my home is in Arizona, im just living in Utah for a while that's all. its an interesting thought. i like living here and am very comfortable with how small it is. its perfect for two people who mostly only sleep when they're home. 3 people is slighty more cozy and 4+ gets to be a tad crowded. if its good company, however; its nice and busy and fun. we dont have people over very often. we get too tired to branch out and have parties. im always doing homework and jennies always editing photos. when we do have free time its late late at night and we usually go to macy's grocery store and pick up a redbox. its a pretty easy going life we have together. its strange to know its almost over. 3 more weeks or so and ill never live in wyview again. i expect the colony will be similar. a fun, easy going and new home to me but not really my home. i live in Utah but my heart is in Arizona.
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a few shots

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yup. jennie smithson is my roommate. i am 300% lucky that she loves to take pictures and is a newly self-proclaimed photographer. that means she wants to practice all the time and that means i get to dress up a lot! these are a few from our latest shoot on July 5, 2010 at an old house and on main street.

The-Boys'-Home

The-Boys'-Home

the young victoria

Queen Victoria was quite the woman! I never knew she was the first to live in Buckingham Palace or that she has held England's reign the longest, to date, at 20 years. Jennie and I watched The Young Victoria tonight and it was so good. I feel like watching it again even. The relationship between her and Prince Alfred is very beautiful. I want a Prince Alfred! (I also want to be someones Evangeline but that's a completely different movie.) I want someone who will love me till his last dying breath and say "good morning wife" to me every morning. It's so sweet. Matt Whitehead is in England for his mission and I just wrote him a letter this morning. He said he feels dead to the world! How sad! I miss him and do not want him to feel like the world has forgotten him. I want him to learn all he can about Queen Victoria now so that I can learn about her. She was strong and found her perfect fit. I want to be that way as well. I'm not saying I want Matt to be my Prince Alfred, he is just conveniently in England where one of my new role models grew up and made quite the impact. I want to learn about her and he can help. Plus I do miss my friend. He is so good.
Jennie and I took pictures today and I was looking through some of them and she is a fantastic photographer but I am a lousy model! My first outfit, as cute as the dress is, was not flattering in the least. I should know better. I am so out of shape (and into a weird shape). How can I hope for someone to love me if I don't even look appealing? I have much to improve in my life and my health is one aspect of it. I don't want to get seriously ill when I'm older and I could be so much more fun for others if I was more active. It's not that I'm ugly or have no self esteem or whatever, I just know that I can/should be better. I want to be better for myself. I like who I am but I think if I were more confident in how I looked I'd be more confident in how I acted. That would make it not so difficult to 'work it' as my friend Jamie James always advises me to do. Some of my funky mood is also because marriage is in the air again and I don't have anyone. Bethany and Brent are getting married on Friday and after looking at the pictures from today I don't know if I want to ask Zach to come with me. I'm so nervous of being overbearing and clingy that I don't do anything at all. I need to though! He did come over last night after all - for no reason really. I need to stop being a baby and build my courage! I'm nice and a little pretty and I have wonderful friends so I know I'm not a crazy loner. I make myself the loner and it needs to stop. Hooray for building my courage! All is well, I am well, school is well and life is splendid.