the young victoria

Queen Victoria was quite the woman! I never knew she was the first to live in Buckingham Palace or that she has held England's reign the longest, to date, at 20 years. Jennie and I watched The Young Victoria tonight and it was so good. I feel like watching it again even. The relationship between her and Prince Alfred is very beautiful. I want a Prince Alfred! (I also want to be someones Evangeline but that's a completely different movie.) I want someone who will love me till his last dying breath and say "good morning wife" to me every morning. It's so sweet. Matt Whitehead is in England for his mission and I just wrote him a letter this morning. He said he feels dead to the world! How sad! I miss him and do not want him to feel like the world has forgotten him. I want him to learn all he can about Queen Victoria now so that I can learn about her. She was strong and found her perfect fit. I want to be that way as well. I'm not saying I want Matt to be my Prince Alfred, he is just conveniently in England where one of my new role models grew up and made quite the impact. I want to learn about her and he can help. Plus I do miss my friend. He is so good.
Jennie and I took pictures today and I was looking through some of them and she is a fantastic photographer but I am a lousy model! My first outfit, as cute as the dress is, was not flattering in the least. I should know better. I am so out of shape (and into a weird shape). How can I hope for someone to love me if I don't even look appealing? I have much to improve in my life and my health is one aspect of it. I don't want to get seriously ill when I'm older and I could be so much more fun for others if I was more active. It's not that I'm ugly or have no self esteem or whatever, I just know that I can/should be better. I want to be better for myself. I like who I am but I think if I were more confident in how I looked I'd be more confident in how I acted. That would make it not so difficult to 'work it' as my friend Jamie James always advises me to do. Some of my funky mood is also because marriage is in the air again and I don't have anyone. Bethany and Brent are getting married on Friday and after looking at the pictures from today I don't know if I want to ask Zach to come with me. I'm so nervous of being overbearing and clingy that I don't do anything at all. I need to though! He did come over last night after all - for no reason really. I need to stop being a baby and build my courage! I'm nice and a little pretty and I have wonderful friends so I know I'm not a crazy loner. I make myself the loner and it needs to stop. Hooray for building my courage! All is well, I am well, school is well and life is splendid.